Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
