I didn't shave. On purpose
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
