I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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