she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize