never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
