if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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