Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
