The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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