I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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