ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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