worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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