Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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