Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
