the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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