i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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