So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
