is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Text me some of your sweat
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
