The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize