I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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