I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
