Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
