And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
