FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
