i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Screwed.edu
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
