he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize