Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize