dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
