just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
