You're so nebulous sometimes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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