I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
