At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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