is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
