All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
