glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
