Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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