I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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