I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
