She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
