dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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