I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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