It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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