The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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