Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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