Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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