Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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