onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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