god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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