No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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