and you said cock pushups were impossible
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
