I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
