and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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