Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did I show you my penis last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
