sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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