wat bout pragnant strippers??
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
