i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
