I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
