I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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