Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
