We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
