so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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