I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
