So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
