I wish my penis had an off switch
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
