the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
