Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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