just come out here and I will go home with you...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
