He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
