Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
