mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
