i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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