this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wear drunk well.
My feet surprised me
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