As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
