People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
