Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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