I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
