I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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