dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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