Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
