there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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