Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
