I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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