Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
