He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
