today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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