My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
