I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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