im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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