I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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