11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize