I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
