i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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