Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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