Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
